Sunday, 21 April 2013


Not all sports records are glorious. For every Paul Scholes with ferocious volleys there's a Marlon King who will turn the whole world upside down just to be convicted. Sportunes will from time to time bring to your know sports men who achieved greatness in failure and feel free to take your time reading it because none of these records will ever be broken.

Clifford "The Black Rhino" Etienne started his amateur boxing career in prison while he was serving 40 years for armed robbery While in prison he was a member of the "Gunslingers" prison boxing team in Louisiana and reportedly had an 30-0 prison record. He was let out 30 years early because once a prison teaches a violent criminal how to fight, its job is done.


Before he used his new-found freedom to become a shitty professional thief, Clifford became a decent professional boxer. Coming into his 20th fight, he had a perfect 19-0 record with 13 knockouts. And to Clifford's credit, Fres Oquendo had to knock him down seven times before he stayed there. After the loss, Etienne seemed to be OK, winning five more fights from 2001 to 2003. But I guess he had 49 seconds to kill one night, so he spent them in front of Mike Tyson whose right hand exploded the part of Clifford's brain that knows what legs do:

Following that loss, Clifford was never quite the same. Two years later he suffered back-to-back losses and he decided if he wasn't good at boxing anymore, he could at least still be good at cocaine. So in 2005, on a hot summer night in Baton Rouge, Clifford Etienne got rob-a-payday-loan-store high and robbed a payday loan store. His getaway vehicle was a stolen car with a family still inside it, and he ended the night by shooting at police. If only the instructional video on dealing with that situation had been released a day sooner.

Once the judge was convinced he was reading actual charges and not a Martin Scorsese script, he gave Clifford 150 years without parole. This brought his career conviction total to 190 years. That is a sports record that will last forever. For an athlete to beat that record, he would have to get sentenced to life in prison for molesting his placenta during child birth and then live 69 years longer than the oldest person ever. Plus, now that I think about it, it would also have to take place in a country where placenta molestation is a pro sport, and last I checked, the Little Miss USA Pageant isn't a country. "Check and mate," says Clifford Etienne.

Nearest Second Place:

NFL defensive end Robert Rozier got out of prison for petty crimes, killed seven white people to get into a black supremacy cult, went back to prison for that, testified against the cult's leader Yahweh ben Yahweh to get out of prison, then got put back into prison for spending his time in witness protection committing check fraud. After all of that, Robert Rozier's conviction totals are still trailing behind Clifford Etienne by 142.5 years. Etienne is that much worse than that.


  1. he doesnt deserve a burial when he dies

  2. this guy is the reason why the sun is so hot nowadayz